Haunting secrets
by Kirsty'10
Summary: A Spencer/Toby future fic that proves even the best kept secrets need to be found out at some point.
1. Prologue

The universe had a sense of humour... Spencer understood that now. She had spent years building up a spotless reputation, all for it to land her in this moment right now. Or in retrospect there had been many moments that lead up to her current situation.

* * *

><p>Spencer looked in the mirror and frowned. <em>"When did I become one of those girls"<em> She had spent the last five minutes trying to pick out an outfit that would be perfect for her date with Toby. Now, Spencer wasn't the type of girl who would normally dress just for a boy, but tonight she was making an exception. Tonight was the night Spencer had finally managed to gather up her courage for... the first time she was going to say the 'L' word.

Like everything else in her life, Spencer had chosen not to just casually fling the word around. To Spencer the only time it should be said is when you were convinced that it was true. That you knew somehow you wanted to be with the other person forever. And she finally felt this way. Without saying a word, Toby could comfort her. Without trying he made her smile, he would. Without knowing it, he had earned her trust. With every little thing he did for her, he earned her love. And Spencer was finally ready to tell him that.

Her parents, even after the investigation on her was dropped, refused to let her see Toby in the fear it would drag it back up. While Spencer respected that her parents had her best interests at heart, she couldn't stop seeing Toby. So they had decided to meet at the motel that had really started their relationship. In a weird way Spencer was glad their date was there, it seemed the perfect place to tell him. It meant something to them, and that made it perfect to Spencer. And if a Hastings' is planning something, perfection is a must.

Hearing her phone beep, she glanced at it quickly seeing that it was Toby she smiled as she opened it.

_I'm at the motel. Same room. Coincidence huh? Toby_

She bit her lip deciding that she did have to leave soon; she threw on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a champagne coloured lace vest top. Not much but it would have to do.

* * *

><p>She chapped softly on the door, which creaked open quickly revealing Toby standing at the other side smiling at her.<p>

"Hi." She said simply.

"Hi." He replied stepping aside to let her in. "So please tell me you didn't bring scrabble?"

"Why afraid you'd lose?"

"No, I'm afraid you'll get sulky when you lose. You know again." Toby's eyes sparkled as he said this, seeing the slight scoff from Spencer.

"I hate you." She shot back.

"No you don't." He laughed. "If you did you wouldn't be here."

"OK fine... But I would kick your ass if we played scrabble again."

"Is that a fact?" Toby laughed.

"Yes. Yes it is." Spencer nodded fighting to keep the smile of her face, but failing when she seen Toby smile at her. Deciding that now was as good a time as any she took in a deep breath before turning to face Toby properly.

"There's something I need to tell you. Something that's not so easy to say..." Spencer started as she seen Toby pale, smiling slightly to try and re-assure him she kept talking. "I guess... That day on your porch, when I came to help with your French, I was sort of surprised you didn't throw some form of glass object at my head and tell me where to go. I had been so horrible to you, and yet you still didn't slam the door in my face immediately. I don't know... I guess it was then that I really learned that I had got you so wrong. You weren't anything like what I had always thought. Over the next couple of weeks, you became more important to me. After a while, it was like I wanted to see you every day. I know between stake-outs and cryptic messages we never met under the best circumstances... But somehow you seemed to make it better."

Spencer reached out then and clasped her hand in his, feeling the familiar warmth surge through her. "Then after the first time we came here... After you listened to my story about the movies, and I mean actually listened... After the festival... I guess somehow the wanting to see you had faded into needing to see you. You made me feel safe when nothing and no-one else did. You went through so much for me, my family were so horrible to you and you still didn't leave me."

"It was then I realised that maybe for the first time, I found the person who honestly wouldn't leave me. And I just need to let you know that... I love you Toby, more than I ever thought I could. But I do. I love you."

"Spencer." Toby lifted his free hand to push some hair back from her face before cupping her cheek softly. "I love you too, for far too many reasons for me to list. I won't lie and say that I liked you before you showed up that day on my porch. You just seemed like a copy of Alison to me, little miss perfect who had never had to deal with adversity... To be honest I was sort of jealous of you, you had everything I wanted. Friends, a family that wasn't broken, money... But then I hated your seemingly careless attitude towards it all, as if none of it mattered."

"Then I got to know you and realised your life isn't so perfect either. That you weren't just Ali's copycat, that you actually have feelings. That you care about people. And I learned, eventually, that I could put my trust in you. That you wouldn't turn your back like everyone else did. That meant... means more to me than I could ever say. And somehow I managed to fall for you too. I love you Spencer."

After that Spencer closed the small gap between them, and as they fell back into the bed she had never felt so happy and safe in her life. She had fallen in love, and the person she loved felt the same, it was like a dream to Spencer, one she was sure had to crash down soon.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until three weeks later that Spencer really realised that the dream had come crashing down with a catastrophic bang. She was lying in her bed, buried in her covers, hearing her door creak open she blinked up at the person who had disturbed her. Looking at her mother, she saw concern reflecting back at her.<p>

"Spencer honey, it's eleven now. You never sleep this late, are you feeling all right? You look slightly pale?"

"I just feel ill, I think it's just a bug, it'll pass soon." Spencer nodded, then groaned as the queasiness came back. Veronica noticed the groan despite Spencer's attempts to keep it hidden.

"Come on, get dressed. I'll get you an emergency appointment at the doctor's. The last time you told me you had a bug, it turned out to be appendicitis, we are getting this checked out."

"But Mum..." Spencer started to protest being cut off by Veronica simply holding her hand up.

"I'm not arguing with you on this Spencer, get dressed. I'll phone Dr Green to see if he can fit you in."

* * *

><p>Spencer knew that something was wrong the instant the doctor came back into the room looking at his clipboard, before shooting her a sympathetic glance. She shifted nervously in her seat, as the doctor sat directly in front of her and her mother.<p>

"Is Spencer ill?" Veronica asked right away. "What can we do to help her? Is there any..."

"Mrs Hastings, Spencer is in fine physical condition." Dr Green shook his head.

"I know my daughter, and I know when she looks sick, and she did this morning."

"Well yes, I assume she did." Dr Green nodded, before looking at Spencer, who knew what was wrong as soon as his eyes hit hers.

"Oh God..." she whispered, as her breathing became erratic. "No, no, no..."

"Spencer?" Veronica asked worried.

"I'm so sorry." Was all Spencer got out before the tidal wave of tears came. Veronica looked back to Dr Green who had moved to get Spencer the box of tissues he kept nearby.

"Spencer, I know it's a personal matter, but do you want me to inform your mother?" The only answer Spencer could give was a small nod, knowing that her whole word was about to fall apart.

"Mrs Hastings as I said, there is nothing wrong with Spencer physically. Her queasiness today was more than likely the early signs of morning sickness and..."

"Morning sickness?" Veronica cut in. "But that would mean... Spencer isn't pregnant. Spencer couldn't be pregnant she..."

Spencer glanced up at Veronica trying to hold her tears in. "I'm so sorry Mum."

* * *

><p>The ride home had been in silence, neither Veronica nor Spencer knowing how to deal with the news. Spencer had numbly listened as the doctor explained her options, flat out refusing to even consider adoption. There is no way she could kill a baby, there's no way she could kill <em>her<em> baby. But that still left Spencer with one thing to contemplate. Whether or not to keep the baby or to put it up for adoption. When they entered the house Spencer couldn't take the silence any more needing to her what her mother truly thought of the situation.

"Mum please just talk to me." Spencer pleaded, as Veronica looked at her softly, but with anger laced in her eyes.

"What do you want me to say?" Veronica asked defeated. "That I'm happy my seventeen year old daughter who held so much promise is pregnant? That I'm happy your life is going to have to change? That I'm happy that the last couple of years of you really being able to enjoy life have just been snatched away?"

"I didn't need you to be happy about it." Spencer shrugged. "I just needed to know how you felt."

"Disappointed Spencer." Veronica muttered. "That's how I feel."

"I know, I'm sorry I let you down. We used... you know. I guess it just didn't work."

"You guess?" Veronica scoffed, before running a hand through her hair to try and calm down. She may have been mad that Spencer had just thrown her life away, but that didn't mean she was going to neglect the fact that no more than ever, Spencer needed her. "The father?"

Spencer's ashen face gave Veronica the answer before she could even quietly mutter "Toby."

"Oh Spencer." Veronica sighed. "Do you really think that boy is going to support you in whatever you decide?"

"He loves me Mum." Spencer whispered. "He would be there if I needed him, he'll want to be there, I know him."

"Spencer, without being rude, do you really expect me to trust your judgement right now? Before we even get to thinking about telling the father of... of your baby, we have to work out how to tell your father."

"He'll hate me." Spencer whispered. Seeing her daughter look the most vulnerable and innocent than she could remember, it was almost on sheer instinct that Veronica pulled Spencer into a hug, letting her daughter cry into her shoulder.

"He won't hate you." Veronica soothed the distraught Spencer. "Just know that he loves you, and whatever his reaction is, it's because he loves you so much."

* * *

><p>As both Spencer and Veronica predicted, Peter did not take the news well. He didn't shout at Spencer, nor call her a disgrace to the family, he had just walked out of the room quietly to head to his study and hadn't came out since. Veronica had sat with Spencer wrapped in her arms for the past three hours, the same length of time that Peter had been in his office. Spencer seen movement outside and froze.<p>

"Mum, it's Toby. I need to..."

"Are you ready?"

"No." Spencer answered honestly. "But it's not like I can press a pause button can I? I need to tell him sooner rather than later. It's the right thing to do."

Spencer walked out of her family's house into the garden where she seen Toby. He smiled at her, and ran up to her.

"I got it!" Was all he said when he reached her.

"Got what?"

"The job I was telling you about. The one in Massachusetts. Don't you remember, with you going to Harvard in the fall and my need to get away from my family it seemed perfect. None of this seems familiar to you?"

"No... it does." Spencer tried to smile, but it failed. How was she meant to ruin his happiness by telling him she couldn't go? That she had to stay in Rosewood, put her plans on hold for at least a year until the baby was born. She couldn't take away his one chance at getting away from his family even if it meant ruining theirs. "I'm happy for you. You should go soon though. You know set everything up... I need you to scout out all the good coffee places."

"I don't think I could have done it without you Spencer." Toby smiled at her.

"I love you Toby so much, don't ever forget that." Spencer said as she wrapped her arms tightly around him. Knowing how much he needed to get away meant that her secret had to stay that way. Toby could never know that she was pregnant. He would do the honourable thing and stay by her side, ruining his shot at happiness. And she couldn't deny him of that, she couldn't be the one he would grow to resent.

So she would do it herself. Figure out what to do about the baby by herself because she wasn't going to ruin his life. Even if it meant ruining her own.

* * *

><p><strong>AN So I wanted to try something a little diffrent, so it might not be to everyone's taste. The fic will be set in the future so there's a time jump after this one. So what do you think Spencer decides about the baby? And how will she feel about seeing Toby again after so many years?**


	2. Chapter 1

Spencer groaned as she spilt her cup of coffee over the morning paper. _"Great, this is just the start I need to today" _She thought bitterly as she began to clean up the mess she made, with a little more anger than was strictly necessary. But the coffee wasn't what had put Spencer in her current mood, the date alone had done that for her. This was the anniversary of the day she regretted more than anything in her life. The day she had decided to deny Toby his rightful part in his child's life. In her mind she had done the right thing, she had given Toby a chance to live the life he deserved but even so she still feel guilty for doing so. She hadn't had the guts to stand in front of him and tell him that it was over, so she took the coward's way out, she had just avoided him until he seemed to get the message.

The year that passed after that was the worst year Spencer had to live throughThe taunts and the snide comments she could take, what she couldn't take was the fact that she couldn't decide what she wanted to do after she gave birth. It seemed with each day that passed, she changed her mind. Some days she wanted nothing more than to keep her baby, until the next day when she cruelly reminded herself that she would never be a good enough mother. She had failed at being a good daughter, and surely that was easier than being a mother? Her relationship with Emily also become somewhat frayed, with Emily respecting Spencer's decision, but not agreeing with her. In Emily's mind Spencer had denied Toby the one thing she knew he wanted. Despite what Spencer had said - Emily knew that Toby would want to know about the baby, but nonetheless she had to respect Spencer's wishes and keep it a secret from him.

On the day when Spencer had to make her final decision, she knew what she had to do. Looking down at the new born perfect little girl in her arms, Spencer knew there was no way she could give her up. When Spencer brought the baby home her parents stood by her, offering her help but knowing when to step back and let Spencer take the lead. There were days when Spencer did feel herself almost fall apart under the pressure, but when she looked at her daughter all her doubts melted away.

Phoebe Jane Hastings had become Spencer's entire life. The name, while it might not be obvious, was the link to Toby that Spencer had given her daughter – _their_ daughter. Phoebe came from the character in "catcher in the rye" and when picking out her daughter's name, it came to Spencer in an instant. As time passed, Phoebe began to look exactly like a miniature Spencer with one big difference - her eyes. She had inherited her father's piercing blue one's and if there was ever a question of her paternity in the town, those eyes certainly answered it.

Hearing the doorbell ring through the house, Spencer sighed as she tried to shove away old memories, knowing that they would come back with a vengeance later in the day. With Aria and Emily away at colleges in different states, Hanna and Spencer had decided to get a small flat together. Between them they managed to scrape enough together for a modest three bedroom rented flat on the quieter end of town. Spencer finally made it to the front door and pulled it open, shocked at whom was standing before her.

"Emily?" She asked. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at Danby?"

"We need to talk." Emily said as she brushed by Spencer. "Is Phoebe here?"

"She's sleeping." Spencer answered confused. "Em, why are you here? Not that I'm not happy to see you but don't you have class?"

"Toby's father died." Emily replied bluntly.

"I... I know." Spencer stuttered. "I heard someone mention it yesterday when I took Phoebe for a walk. But why are you telling me?"

"Spencer, he may not have gotten on with his father, but do you really think he wouldn't want to say goodbye."

"I didn't really think about it." Spencer muttered leaning against the door. Then paused understanding what Emily was telling her. Fear crept through her veins and she clarified her thoughts "Wait, you mean Toby's coming back here, back to Rosewood?"

"He called me yesterday." Emily sighed. "I had no classes today, and it's only a two-hour train ride here, so I thought that I would tell you in person. Spencer, it's been three years, don't you think you owe it to him to tell him about..."

"No." Spencer cut Emily off as she began to walk towards the kitchen suddenly craving coffee. "Things are best the way they are, I'll take Phoebe and go visit Melissa and Taylor until he leaves again. Did he say how long he was staying?"

"Spencer you can't run away."

"I'm going to visit my sister – That's not the same as running away."

"Come on Spencer, aren't you a little more mature than that." Emily snapped, before calming herself and running her hands through her hair. "He still asks about you. Doesn't that tell you something?"

When Spencer refused to answer Emily, merely walking into the kitchen and switching on the kettle as she finished clearing up the mess she had made earlier. Emily waited to try and gauge if Spencer was going to say anything else, before remembering she was dealing with Spencer Hastings, the most stubborn girl she had ever met.

"He still cares about you." Emily seen Spencer's hand pause as she lifted down a spare cup for Emily. Shaking her head, Emily decided to change approach and use a different tactic. "Spence, he's coming here, to Rosewood. The same place where everyone has seen Phoebe and you know people here love to talk. He'll find out about her, and with a bit of simple math he could work everything out."

"Don't do that." Spencer all but barked. "Do you really think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?"

"Spence... All I'm saying is that Toby will find out about Phoebe one way or another. Don't you want to be the one to tell him?"

"No." Spencer fixed her gaze on the corner of her ruined newspaper. "What am I meant to say? Hi Toby, meet your two year old? It's been three years Em... even if I wanted to tell him I couldn't."

"Spence..."

"I can't stand it if he looked at me _that_ way. Phoebe is the most important thing in my life and... and... I kept that from. I mean I was doing what was best for him; I honestly believe that but... Em I messed up, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. It's best for everyone if things stay the way they are."

"Everyone? Spence no-one benefits your way. You keep your daughter away from her father, you keep Toby away from his daughter and you will spend the rest of your life knowing that and feeling guilty over it. Would you just do the right thing?"

"Who are you to tell me what the right thing is?" Spencer demanded. "You didn't have to live through it."

"I had to lie to him for you."

"It wasn't a lie, it's not like you ever said we didn't have a baby."

"A lie of omission is still a lie."

"You're going to lecture me on lying? Really? I don't think either of us should get to that. To anyone – ever."

"I take your point, but you know what I said is true. He still loves you Spencer, if nothing else you owe him the truth!"

"Why? If I don't tell him he still gets to have the sort of life people our age should have. If I tell him about Phoebe, he'll want to be there, and that would mess up everything he's done in the past couple of years. I won't be the reason that he loses what he worked so hard for, I will not be the one responsible for ruining his life."

"You're already doing that." Emily shrugged. "How would you feel is someone took Phoebe away from you? He'll find out some way or another Spence... The least you can do is be the one to tell him."

Emily smiled softly at Spencer, once she seen the look on Spencer's face. Spencer didn't show her vulnerable side often and on the rare occasion it slipped through, Emily knew that was when Spencer was really worried about something. Sighing as she slowly put her arms around Spencer, Emily spoke softly. "I'll be there. Hanna will be there as well if you need her. Spencer, what are you really worried about?"

"Everything." Spencer whispered. "If I don't tell him... He might find out some other way and that would make things worse than they are. And if I do tell him... What is he wants to take Phoebe? I don't know what I'd do without her Em!"

"Spence you know that's not going to happen." Emily reprimanded pulling away. "He'll understand, I mean he might not like it, but in time he'll understand."

"I wouldn't expect him to understand." Spencer whispered. "If someone kept her for me, I'd start a full blown war on them. I always hated those women who kept their child a secret, and then I became one. There's some irony for you."

Spencer gave up on the idea of coffee, choosing instead to sit down on her usual stool at the small kitchen table, placing her head in her hands. "I know you're right." Spencer sighed. "If he's coming here... I should be the one to tell him. Maybe this time I'll be a grown up and even do it face to face."

"Do you want me to go with you, when you meet him? I can stay an extra day if you need me."

"No." Spencer shook her head. "This has to come from me. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. I just need to ask my parents to watch Phoebe, I can't have her there when I speak to him. I really wish I didn't have to speak to him, I don't think I can do it."

"Do you need me to help with anything?" Emily asked.

"When is he getting here?" Spencer asked in a whisper.

"Tonight at some point."

"Can you call him and ask him to meet me in the Apple Rose Grill tomorrow at breakfast. Around nine if that's possible. But don't mention me, say you want to meet him, I just think it would be best not to give him time to get angry. There will be plenty of that after I tell him the news."

"Spencer, I don't think that..."

"I'll make sure he knows I made you lie, besides I think you're little lie will be overlooked in the midst of my bombshell."

Emily nodded her head meekly, praying that Toby would forgive her for lying to him.

* * *

><p>Spencer sat in the Apple Rose Grill the next morning feeling the nausea hit her yet again as she thought about what was ahead of her. Her parents were looking after Phoebe, and hadn't asked her too many questions about why they had to watch her on such short notice. Spencer sighed, as the same horrible thoughts she had been plagued with all night, crept into her mind. About Toby wanting to take Phoebe away, about Toby calling her out on how selfish she had been... She grabbed her bag suddenly feeling like this was a bad idea, but as soon as she had stood up she crashed into a solid chest which almost sent her toppling to the floor.<p>

"I'm so sorry." Spencer said as she found her footing again, before looking up at the person, being met by the same eye's she met on a daily basis, and yet still missed. "H- Hi"

"Spencer." Toby nodded curtly, years of pain flowing out in that one simple word. In Toby's mind, Spencer had just been another in a long line of people to turn her back on him. But it had hurt him more than the others, when she had done it. He had loved her, if he was honest he would admit he did _still _love her, and she had wounded him more than he cared to acknowledge when she had began to ignore him.

Spencer squeezed her eyes shut at his tone, but she knew she deserved it. She diverted her eyes back to the ground, and found herself wishing it would just open up and swallow her whole. "Toby..."

"I'm here to meet Emily." He cut her of sharply.

"She... She's not coming." Spencer stuttered. "I made her say that so that you would come."

"Why would you do that?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"You were the one who _didn't _want to talk. Remember?"

"I know. But if you give me half an hour, I promise I'll tell you why. It's something I _need_ to tell you, because if I don't someone else will and you don't deserve to find out that way and..."

Toby blinked confused as Spencer rambled on. Two things registered in his mind at that moment. One – that Spencer must be worried about something because he had never heard her ramble like this. Two – that there was something important he seemed to be missing.

"Spencer, what do you need to tell me?" Toby asked, trying to hide the panic in his voice. He didn't know what was going on, but he did know that whatever is was big.

"I think we should sit down – This isn't exactly standing up news."

Toby nodded, as he sat down across from Spencer as he watched her wring her hands together. After a while of watching Spencer grow more agitated by the second, Toby felt his patience begin to wear thin.

"Spencer, what did you need to tell me?"

Toby's aggressive tone caught her odd guard and Spencer jumped a little, before looking down at the table in front of her. "I guess the story starts on that day you told me about the job..."

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you all for the lovely comments, they were nice to read :) And I know this isn't the best follow on, but I needed to re-introduce Toby somehow, so I hope you liked it, and feedback is always appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 2

"I guess the story starts on that day when you told me about the job. When you came to my house, I was coming out to tell you the truth. I honestly was, and then... You seemed so happy. So excited at the prospect of starting a life away from Rosewood. You were finally going to get the life you deserved. I couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth. It would have kept you here, locked in Rosewood forever. It would make you the guy everyone thought was weird just because they didn't know him, forever. You would never get to be Toby here, and I didn't want that to happen and..."

"The truth, Spencer." Toby cut in. "What couldn't you bring yourself to tell me?"

"I... I was feeling ill that morning. I was adamant that it was nothing, just a cold, but my mother dragged me to the doctor's." Spencer replied, trying to remain composed as years of repressed guilt came flooding back to her. "It turned out it wasn't exactly a cold. But it wasn't a serious illness like my mom seemed to think. It wasn't anything like that..."

Spencer stopped short and glanced around the room, taking in all the residents of the room (mostly middle-aged "soccer mom's" who were passing the time in their perfectly planned out lives) who glanced down into their cups of coffee as soon as they seen her glance around the room. She should have known that the nosey residents of Rosewood wouldn't pass on the chance to listen into the conversation. They had all spread quite rumours over the years, and now that Toby was here, sitting across from her, Spencer was willing to bet they were trying their hardest to hear what they were discussing.

She bit her lip, before glancing back at Toby. His gaze, while inquisitive, still held some anger. She seen him look into her eyes, and just like every other time, it felt like he was seeing into her soul.

"What happened at the doctor's?"

"I am sorry, and what I done... I promise it was all for you. I never wanted to hurt you, just please know that before I tell you."

"Spencer, you're worrying me now." Toby said quietly seeing the fear creep into Spencer's eyes, but misreading it.

"Can we go somewhere a little more private?" Spencer said suddenly, deciding that in a crowded room with people listening in to their conversation wasn't the way she wanted to tell Toby about their daughter.

"Spencer..." Toby sighed, and then met Spencer's eyes. Seeing the soft glisten of the unshed tears lining her eyes, he bowed his head. Even after all these years, despite all those times of pretending that he was over her, seeing her in pain still hurt him. Despite his brain screaming at him to stay where he was, his heart seemed to win. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere that's not here." Spencer shook then her head, and the inspiration struck her. "Actually I have the perfect place. Do you mind going for a bit of a drive?"

* * *

><p>Spencer parked on the hill, which held the view of Rosewood. The same hill that they had discussed "214" on, it was important to them. And Spencer needed somewhere out of the way of everyone else to tell him the secret she had been hiding for so long. They stepped out of the car, and walked towards the edge to look out over Rosewood.<p>

"What do you need to tell me?" Toby's soft broke the silence, and Spencer glanced around to look at him. "I've waited enough, and I need to know what's going. Spencer tell me now, what happened?"

"That morning at the doctor's... I got some life changing news..."

"You said you weren't seriously ill." Toby pointed out.

"I wasn't." Spencer shook her head. "But my life did change on that day. It wasn't just about me anymore. I really wanted to tell you. But I couldn't ruin your life too..."

"You've said all this already Spencer." Toby's tense voice showed how he was feeling. A mix of apprehension, anger and exasperation flooded through him, it seemed to him that Spencer would never tell him the secret at this rate.

"I know... I just... I was... You have... We have..." Spencer tried all the combinations she could think of then, but none of them seemed good enough. None of them seemed to properly describe the fact that she had tried to protect him by not telling him earlier.

"I have what Spencer?" Toby asked.

Gathering up all her courage Spencer forced herself to look into his eyes. "A child."

"I... What?" Toby asked stunned, looking at Spencer as if she had just told him aliens existed.

"That day the doctor told me that I was pregnant." Spencer replied. "I just..."

"You didn't tell me you were pregnant?" Toby's voice overpowered Spencer's, as he stared at her letting the anger shine through his eyes.

"I was trying to do the right thing..."

"Do the right thing?" Toby scoffed cutting Spencer off, his voice far overpowering her own. "Please inform me how not informing me you were pregnant was the right thing to do?"

"Because I..."

"Or did you not want to tell me, because it had nothing to do with me?" Even as Toby said the words he knew that they were false. He wanted to spark some sort of reaction in her, to make her feel even a fraction of his pain. He regretted his words instantly, even more so when he seen the wounded look flicker over her face. In true Spencer fashion though, she composed herself too quickly for him to mention it.

"It was yours, I just couldn't tell you."

"Couldn't tell me?"

"Like I said before, I couldn't be the one to ruin your life. To keep you trapped in Rosewood, when you had spent years trying to get of it. You were so excited when you told me about the job... I couldn't say it. I couldn't be the one to trap you in a life of misery."

"You don't think I should have got to make that call?" Toby asked. "I could have left anyway you know."

Spencer let out a bitter laugh. "No, no you wouldn't. You would have done the honourable thing, and stayed here. Stayed with me... and sooner or later you would end up resenting me for it."

"Those are pretty big calls to make don't you think?" Toby asked shaking his head, before looking out towards the view of the town. "What did you do?"

"Excuse me?" Spencer asked confused.

"The pregnancy. What did you do? Did you... Did you have an abortion? Put it up for adoption? Or are you hiding a kid somewhere?"

Spencer winced at his tone, but knew she deserved his anger. In her mind she had done the right thing, but if she placed herself in his shoes, she knew she'd feel angry too. "I kept the baby. I could never kill a baby... The adoption part was harder to decide. I thought about it so many times, convinced myself at points that it was the only thing I could do... But when I had the baby... When I held her... I knew I couldn't go through with adoption."

"Her?"Toby asked softly.

Spencer smiled slightly. "Yeah. It was a little girl."

"Name?" Toby's choked voice prevented him from saying anymore, so instead he just looked at Spencer waiting for her to answer him.

"Phoebe." She said simply.

"Reason?"

"I liked it better than Jane and Sally." Spencer tried to laugh, but it faded into the awkward air around them. Toby squinted at her slightly trying to work out what he was missing. Then Spencer saw the look of realisation in his eyes.

"Catcher in the rye?"

"Yeah... It seemed right at the time." Spencer replied. "Her middle name's Jane though."

"Let me take a guess, your last name?" Toby asked bitterly.

Spencer nodded, despite the fact that Toby wasn't facing her. "I couldn't... I didn't want..."

"You didn't want anyone to know you ever let someone like me, near you like that?" Toby turned around to look at her again, his steely eyes meeting her vulnerable gaze. "You didn't want anyone to know you ever liked the town's weirdo?"

"It wasn't like that Toby!" Spencer shouted, and then bit her lip. "I didn't want you to find out. I mean I'm positive people know who her father is but... I thought confirming it ran the risk of you finding out."

"So you're saying if my father hadn't passed away... If I didn't have to come back to Rosewood, that you would never have told me that I have a daughter?"

"I was..."

"Trying to do the right thing... You already said that."

"I was!" Spencer screamed. "Telling you would have ruined your life. Emily told me how happy you were away from here. How happy you were to finally live somewhere without the constant looks of contempt. You had a shot of living somewhere where people could get to know the real you. You were happier that way!"

"Well that's where you're wrong." Toby said. "Do you really want to know why I was so happy to get that job?"

"Because it got you away from Rosewood." Spencer shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No." Toby said softly, his eyes softening for the first since Spencer dropped the bombshell. "It was because it got _us_ away from Rosewood."

"That doesn't make..."

"It does make sense Spencer." Toby cut her off before she had finished speaking knowing where she was going with the sentence. "I was looking forward to getting away from here, yes I'll admit that. But I wanted to do it with you Spencer. If you had asked me... I would have told you that you were more important to me than getting away from here."

"But..."

"I wanted to be with you. I pictured us being properly together in the future. Do you know how hard it was for me to let you in? I had been hurt so many times, but you... You I thought I could trust. Now it seems I read that wrong."

"I was trying to protect you." Spencer pleaded trying to make him see what made perfect sense in her head. "I didn't tell you because it was the right thing for you!"

"No." Toby all but roared at her. "Telling me would be the right thing to do. God Spencer, I thought you were one of the only people who wouldn't hurt me. Turns out you hurt me more than anyone else."

"Toby..." Spencer sighed walking towards him, only for him to pull away stopping her in her tracks. "I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"I want to meet her." He said suddenly. "I think you owe me that much."

"I... She's at my parents." Spencer said.

"So we'll go to your parents."

"We can't."

"Why?"

"Because... They don't exactly think much of you."

"I know that Spencer."

"No... I told them that you knew I was pregnant."

"They think I left you when you were pregnant?" Toby asked stunned. "You let them believe I left you when it should have been my job to keep you safe? That's what the right thing would be. To let me be there for you, let me help you through it. The right thing would have been to let me have a say in what happened to _our_ child."

"I did the right thing!" Spencer shook her head, refusing to entertain the thought that what she had done wasn't what was best for him. She had felt guilty over it, yes, but she genuinely believed that her actions had been for the best.

"No Spencer. You didn't. And I don't care what your parents think of me right now, I want to see my daughter. Will you take me to see her?"

"Yes." Spencer sighed eventually. "But you can't mention who you are. She doesn't know and I think it would be best not to tell her right now."

"You mean more lies?"

"I only did what I thought was best. Why can't you understand that?"

"Because it doesn't make sense Spencer. And right now... right now I can't forgive it."

"You can't forgive it?"

"Spencer a family was all I ever really wanted. A chance to give someone else something I never got growing up. To show everyone that I could do something good with my life. But more than any of that... I wanted to believe that someone could trust me enough to be completely open with me. You know I actually thought it would be you at one point. I guess I was half right. You did turn out to be the mother of my child. I just was wrong for thinking you were being open with me."

Spencer averted her eyes to the ground praying that he hadn't seen her tears. Hearing him speak so honestly, each word cutting her more that she thought possible, drove it home to her. Toby might never forgive her for this. And a large part of her couldn't blame him for thinking she was the worst person in the world. Toby noticed how vulnerable she looked at that moment. Standing on the middle of the hill, looking as if one more word would destroy her, he felt his old instincts kick in. He wanted to go over and wrap his arms around her, shelter her from the world around them and remind her that everything would work out.

Except this time he couldn't hide the pain for her. This time the pain only existed between the two of them. But seeing her look so broken, and so _un-Spencer_, he realised he couldn't leave her like that.

"I didn't say I won't forgive you." Toby said softly, seeing her smile slightly at him "It's just that, this time it's going to take a while. I don't get why you thought it was for the best, but I can see that in your head it was for the best. But can you understand where I'm coming from? I'm not saying any of this to hurt you, I'm trying to be honest here Spencer. What you did... It hurts. It hurts more than most things in my life. But I think given time... I'll find a way to work past it."

Spencer let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. Then she realised there was one important thing she had left out of their conversation. "Toby before we go back to Rosewood... Before we open that can of worms that we won't be able to shut I just need to..."

Thinking he knew where she was going, Toby cut her off "Spencer, I'm not going to change my mind. If you let me, I want to be a part of Phoebe's life now. I won't leave her, I won't let her down."

"Thank you." She replied. "But that's not what I was going to say. I just wanted you to know that... I never meant to hurt you, the reason I didn't tell you was because I thought you deserved a bigger chance at life than you would have been given here, being a teenage dad. But I did hurt you. That much is clear. I know you, and from that I can guess that you're hiding a lot of your pain and anger. But I just... I need you to that I am sorry that I hurt you. That was the thing I was trying to avoid."

She began to walk back towards her car then, with the new found hope that maybe there was some answer to their crazy situation, but like everything you had to work to find it. Glancing over her shoulder she smiled softly at Toby "You ready?"

Toby nodded trying to collect his thoughts. It had been a crazy morning and not what had he expected at all. But somehow, he couldn't help smile at the knowledge that he had a daughter.


End file.
